BADASS Dash

Who’s bad? In my Michael Jackson voice. I am, BADASS that is!! POW!
OMG I completed a 7k Obstacle Course!! Me, Bliss!!!! I was so nervous about it, I mean I’ve only done 1 5k in the past and that was about 3 years ago. And that it was just a traditional 5k. But this was a 7k with 20, count’em 20 BADASS Obstacles!! These obstacles had names like Wicked Wall, Feared Float, Hellacious Hurdles, Pallet Plunge and laustrophobic Crawl, just to name a FEW.

Come and take this journey with me. I rise at 5:15am (didn’t want to be late). The registration was an unexpected breeze. Then on to a few pre race pictures, checked out the other challenge participants and tried to calm my nerves! Our heat was 9am but we decided to go early, no point in putting it off! So we started at 8:40a. Sooo we’re OFF!! Did I mention I don’t run, lmao!! But I did trot for a bit! 1st challenge is now in sight haul a 30lb sand bag…from here to there. Then I used a rope to scale the side of a mountain, that wasn’t to bad. Next over the river and thru the woods to get to the next obstacle! I had sooo much fun! From there I crawled on my elbows and belly and rolled under a chain link low-lying thingy for about 30 yards ( I’m guessing). Next moved on to over and under hurdles and barrels! I climbed several WALLS of pallets. On my way down the backside of the walls of pallets dude that was minding this obstacle says “Just let go and drop”, I give him the side eye as a dangled from the top of the pallets. Umm nope I need a foothold so I can climb down! “No just drop!!” Da hell you SAY!! I managed to make it through all three walls without “Just dropping”. I scaled 3 or 4 stonewalls going uphill, did a tire obstacle and BACK through the woods! This is where the fun begins; we come to this inflatable it’s huge. We are supposed to go thru (like climbing thru boxing ring ropes, except they are about 3ft in diameter and they touch; then over the “wall” in the middle. Bae-bay, I laughed so hard I lost my breath trying to get over that wall. I rolled on a few people who joined me in my quest, lol lol. I eventually made it with a bit of assistance ( by assistance I mean the volunteer that was at that obstacle , hoisted my ass to the top of the wall, and over I went. Then there was the cargo net… I actually felt like that one was easy; it was about 2 stories high, I actually posed for pictures on that one lol. Up one side and down the other, no worries. Then more trotting and walking. Several obstacles are conquered. Then the first water challenge. (o_O) This consisted of walking slap middle of this ummm river/creek. The water was frigid!! My feet immediately became numb. It became increasingly deeper, first only to my feet then knees, then my, my cooter! Yeah, I said cooter lol lol. I’m getting nervous I’m only 5′ nothing. The mud feels like quicksand and I’m squeezing my toes in my shoes praying my shoes don’t come off. Out of nowhere… “Hole” I’m now nipple deep and struggle to keep my balance… Reaching… But for what? Not a damn thing within reach!! BUT, I don’t go down. Finally, I make it to the end and crawl(yes crawl out)! My shoes are now heavy with mud and water, and I can tell the difference. My lower body is now heavy. Next, more over the river and thru the woods… thru the woods… And THRU the woods!! Next obstacle, I ascended a hill on my BACK using a cargo net that was on top of me. It was wet and slippery and to make things worst they made it rain on me!! I completed the obstacle without problems. Then I got yelled at by a PRETEND DI… MOVE YOUR ASS YOU WILL NOT WALK ACROSS MY FIELD..RUN RUN…THIS IS NOT A STROLL..RUN!! Now he obviously does not know I don’t RUN!! And I am tired and I have 17 obstacles in my rear view mirror. Lil boy you better move outta my way. SHIT, my ass is TIRED now!! More yelling and more walking…humph! Then I hear him say, you, you, you, and you drop and give me 10!! 10 WHAT?! PUSH-UPS !! I give him serious side eye action. I know I’m old enough to be this boys mom!! I did give him his 10 then trotted off his damn field!! Lmao!! More obstacles are conquered! Next water obstacle! Eyes cross and wonder why did I decide to do this?! This obstacle looked like they had stringed together these floating milk crates to cross from one side of the river to the next! I saw one dude lose his balance and go in the water, his ass disappears when he falls in and he must be 6′!! A moment of panic sets in!! I look right and left no other way to get across! I take slow deliberate steps not giving a rats ass… about those behind me, saying “Just go for it!!” “If you go fast it’s easier.” Phiss, you go fast when it’s your turn! That 6′ man went UNDER! I am NOT Trey Songz… I am NOT about to DIVE IN! I am now on my knees crawling across, no shame in my game, hell, I’m tryna live! I make it to the last crate and you know what happened!! I’m not even going to say it! Crawled out onto the bank thankful I didn’t drown! That was the last obstacle. YAY, I did it!! The finish line is in sight!! I get my trot on climb a boulder wall and cross the finish line!! Praise God I did it!! I DID IT!! ALL 20 obstacles!! I can’t tell you how proud I am of myself. Rocky, at the top of the steps comes to mind 🙂 (Eye of the Tiger plays in my head). I want to do another. I had so much fun with my friend Monica and so glad she decided to sign up with me!! She came all the way from Columbus. She was AWESOME! I’m tired but still psyched, reflective and proud. I feel like I can do anything now.

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