Freaking Little Buzzards

Ok now these damn birds…AGAIN! I hear a strange noise and it’s like I’m in a horror movie my heads whips left, in the direction of the sound (Birds? Hell no can’t be). All is quite…then there it is again. Shit! I go outside to check the vent cover. That bastard is OPEN!! Sighs long and deep. Ok so I grab the ladder and this 10′ stick to close the vent. FREAKIN FAIL I’m too damn SHORT 😦 So there I stand on the ladder stick in hand scanning the neighborhood…who’s home at noon besides me that’s TALLER than me. Not a damn soul!! Grrr. Ok now here come these birds flying close to me and cussin me out! I’m still on the ladder with the stick…I SWUNG on those little menaces!! Yes, I did!! So they were like WE KNOW THIS HEFFA didn’t just swing on us!! So here these little bastards come…TOGETHER, straight at me( I’m thinking I KNEW I should have put my sneakers on and not these flops) So they are coming for me…then peel apart like they are Blue Angels, about 6 feet in front of me!! I’m thinking awww shit its ON NOW!! So I swing again, remember this stick is 10 long:-/ ( awkward) I’m swinging and cussing they are swarming and cussin. This time they come from the side, same tactics!! Ok so I get down, (the ladder was doing a 3 legged kinda thing). I look around my garage for SOMETHING I can use to get this dang vent flap closed. How ‘bout these little bold bastards a flying in front of my garage door as if to say we dare yo ass to come back out. Then I see it…DUCT TAPE!! It fixes EVERYTHING…right? Sooo I duct tape another stick on the end of the first stick and I’m ready to ascend the ladder again, escorted by these 2 little buzzards!! So I finally get the flap closed, YAY!! I descend the ladder and commence to doing the Cabbage Patch and the Bobby Brown. But I hear them GOING OFF!! Then I go into my Denzel from Training Day monologue… (With some modifications)You disloyal fool-ass bitch made punks! Aww, you motherfuckers. OK. Alright. I’m lockin you bitches, out! You think you can do this to ME? You motherfuckers will be feathers in somebody’s pillow when I get finished witchu! PILLOW program niggas! I’m the boss up in this piece! You’ll never see the light of day…who the hell do ya think you fuckin’ with? I’m the Queen! I run shit here, you just live here! Yeah that’s right you better fly away! BIG BIRD ain’t got SHIT on me! Now fly ya little feathered asses away from hear!!

A little front story on the back end 🙂 These birds have gotten in my dryer vent twice before squawkin and scratching and pissin in there. First time there was 1 second time there were 2 and they put up a good fight when captured. One got away and was flying around INSIDE my house!! I thought I fixed the vent cover but guess not!

My Tuesday adventure…there’s ALWAYS at least one in my day.



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