Shit Happens…I guess

I haven’t really posted any foolishness in a bit…So here we go.

I know, I know judge ye not…but… when I saw the address my first thought was…Aaargh!! Here we go with some foolishness. So it was a doctors appt, a referral so never been there didn’t know him. So I’m driving…first of all waaay to many people out walking around at 11a.m….work much? And not only are there droves of them out and about…but they are in need o f brassieres, NO not bras, they were in dire need of every one of those letters!! Outside shoes and NOT HOUSE SHOES, as well as the remainder of their clothes, a comb, a brush, and a damn station wagon for all those little ducklings waddling behind. Not to mention those in need of belts, shoelaces, and another purpose in life other than to stand prominently on corners being, I guess professional  ding-a-ling repositioners and nut holders!! That frustrates the heck out of ME!! And I’ve NEVER encountered so many freaking potholes ( more like pot canyons)  in all my driving days.  No taxes no road improvements I guess.

I finally make it to the office and sit there in the car and try to decide IF we going to get out. Reluctantly I decide yes, since I’ve already taken the time off and have driven here, might as well maybe it will be worth it, he will be this brilliant doctor giving back…umm yeah.  We enter the building and there is no directory (no surprise). I literally close my eyes as I pass the 1974 couch that sits under the stairs, and  has probably been there since 1974. I take the stairs, as I am not foolish enough to think the elevator works or we won’t get stuck in it.  There are 2 halls I can go left or right. I decide to go right…not a SINGLE name on a door, so I guess you just have to stick your head in each one and ask is this Dr. X’s office.  I find the office and sign in. The “receptionist” says nothing to me only glares. In my mind I’m thinking Bitch really; I should be glaring at you just on GP.  This is a first visit…do I need to complete paperwork?  I get a slight shake of the head. I find this odd but we have a reluctant seat and wait. Another patient enters. She sits down and pulls out her cell. She appears to be about 55-ish. Her “Leisure Suit” is made from the same fabric as the pillow on the sofa under the stairs.  I hear bits and pieces of her convo, breakfast, and the bus ride over…then she says…”I told yo ass I was at the damn doctors office.” I resist the urge to look over at her. She continues, “Hell naw, he gone see me TODAY! I shit on myself again today” I got up ate and went and sat on the sofa and coughed and SHIT on myself all at the same time.” I HAD to look at her at this point. And out of the corner of my eye I see the other lady whip her head towards her as well.  The 2 of us make eye contact, and say without words did she just say she SHIT on herself? Then I give “Leisure Suit” the Really, You just gonna tell us ALL you shitting on your grown ass self, look. And she gives ME the, Hell yeah I said I shit on myself this morning, now what, look. My son looks at me trying to suppress a laugh. I give him the you better swallow it and not let it out look. And he gives me the, well SHE said it not me look.  So I pull out my phone and aimlessly scroll. Then she continues , “Yeah girl shit was everywhere, you remember when I told you I shit on myself in church that time, yeah well it was worse than that” But not as bad as when I was at that chicken place. Umm hum it was all down my legs and up my back” (O_o) Now I’m thinking just how often you been shitting on yourself “Leisure Suit”? And just what in the HELL are you eating when you know you obviously have NO sphincter control!! You wearing panties or Depends? She continues, No Henry (made up name) wasn’t there so I just washed in the sink the best I could. I immediately stand up and grab my sons arm get UP!! She’s probably shit here as well.  At this point I now realize why she has on this paisley AND flower print leisure suit (camouflage). Besides the fact that I can’t take anymore of this madness, I’ve been there 30 mins!!

I get up and say how far is the doctor running behind. Chick on the other side of the glass says “Oh he’s not even here yet” _________Dead, I am DEAD_______ and somewhere in my drifting towards the light, I realize that though I’m in a doctor’s office( of sorts) they probably have no AED and they damn sure don’t have a doctor! Nurse, maybe… not willing to take the chance. Soo when I will myself away from the light and I am able to utter words again I say, YET? What do you means he’s not here yet? I’ve been here 30 mins and he hasn’t been here at all? “NO. But I’mma call him and see where he at” Umm no don’t bother him on my account. But  “Leisure Suit” over here has had breakfast a few hours ago and it MIGHT be time for it to make its 2nd appearance!! It’s spring she’s rubbing her nose, it WILL be explosive!! If a cough got it down her legs and up her back a sneeze will surely get the walls and ceiling!! She looks at me like huh?  Do you want to reschedule….I raise my eyebrow and give HER the WTH do you think LOOK!!  Come on child lets get outta here! Outside I waste NO time calling the referring physician and promptly tell his ass off!  Yes, I got him on the phone. Don’t you never eva, eva, eva, eva (in my Smokey from Friday voice) send me to some bullshit jackleg place like that again in LIFE. AND I’m not paying any co-pay for the next 3 visits to you to recoup my gas money!! WTH were you thinking? Him…It’s almost lunch time stop by and we can discuss it after you have had a chance to calm down. I don’t want to see you unless you have my gas money!! He laughs…I hang up!!

That’s just waaaay to much, foolishness.  On that 3rd pothole I should have turned around…I knew it but nooo I just wanted to ride it out and see how things turned out….Well Shitty…that’s how it turned out…Shitty…SMDH.  My life (O_o)